A mother has been defended after she explained why she called her daughter’s father “creepy” over the name he gave to his newborn child.
In a recent post shared to the popular “Am I the A**hole?” Reddit forum, the woman – who goes by the username u/Aggressive_Buy4075 – asked if she was in the wrong for criticising the name choice. She started off her post by providing context about the situation, explaining that she got pregnant with her now 10-year-old daughter after “a drunken hook-up with a friend in her mid twenties”.
While noting that the pregnancy wasn’t “the most glamorous or flattering truth,” she and her friend still “decided to keep the child and co-parent”. She also acknowledged that she and her pal were “never a couple” and “didn’t want to be one either”.
The woman continued her post by explaining that when her friend and his longtime girlfriend were expecting baby, she’d “been supportive to them both” as much as possible, “without crossing any lines”. She then explained how she wanted her 10-year-old to get to know her soon-to-be half-sibling.
“I’ve encouraged my daughter to help out whenever she’s staying with them during the pregnancy and to behave. I’ve also made it clear that I want the children to have a close relationship, despite having different mothers,” she wrote. “I’ve even said that if they were comfortable with it, on nights I have my daughter [and] if they ever want time alone, I’ll babysit once they have the baby. So my daughter can spend time with her sibling.”
She added that while she “thought everything was great” and was excited for her “daughter to have a sibling,” that ultimately changed when her friend and his partner had their baby – and she learned the newborn’s name.
“They’d named [her] using my daughter’s name,” the Reddit user continued. “[My friend’s girlfriend] didn’t seem to have any issue with this when she introduced the baby bold as brass. My friend seemed uncomfortable and wouldn’t look at me directly. I asked them what they were playing at, at which point my friend’s father said he’d take my daughter down to the cafeteria to get something to eat and left with her.”
The Reddit poster noted that during the conversation, her friend told her to “calm down and not overreact”, while “his girlfriend told [her] she didn’t see the issue and it was a pretty name”. She continued to explain how she still asked the couple why they chose a name that was the same as her daughter’s.
“I asked them if they’d named the baby for my daughter, trying to understand the logic here, but his girlfriend said that no it was just a pretty name she liked,” she continued. “I then asked if they planned to use a nickname or a middle name when addressing her on a daily basis and her response was that she didn’t see a need for that.”
She went on to detail how she criticised the couple for their baby name choice, specifying that she told them it was a “creepy” decision to use the name.
“I told them they were being ridiculous and that they couldn’t do this, I then told his girlfriend that I found this frankly creepy and told my friend he was being spineless if he was happy to go along with this,” she continued.
While her friend claimed to her that their daughter “could use a nickname or something,” the woman shut that idea down by asking: “Why was it more reasonable for a girl who has used that name for a decade, to [be shamed] for her name, compared to a baby who had no concept of what a name was?”
She concluded her post by noting that her friend’s girlfriend call her a “b****” for talking to her like that, after “she just gave birth”. The woman added that the new mother “asked the nurses to remove [her], saying that [the Reddit poster] was being disruptive”.
“Maybe my temper is running a little too hot though and I was too harsh on her when she just gave birth. It’s just so f***ing weird,” the woman continued. She later made an edit to her post, reiterating that, although it wasn’t her decision to name the newborn, her daughter’s name shouldn’t have been an option.
“I know that what they want to name their child is their choice, they could have called her Dinosaur for all I care but this is one name that should be off limits or adjusted, they even have the same surname as they have the same father,” she wrote.
She claimed that she questioned her friend’s girlfriend’s intentions in the situation, adding: “Something about it just felt malicious and deliberate, as if she’s trying to replace my daughter and for them both to spring it on us like that at the first meeting? No, that was weird.”
The Reddit post has since amassed more than 23,800 upvotes. In the comments, readers went on to defend the woman and question the couple for using the same name as her daughter. They also described what potential issues could arise when two half-siblings have the same first and last name.
“From the outside it sure reads like she wants to replace her partner’s affection for his first daughter with his new baby. Of course it’s creepy,” one wrote, while another added: “And the suggestion that the 10 year old should use a nickname? Wow. Talk about audacity.”
“Imagine two girls, same name, same city, possibly close enough to attend the same high school eventually, same parent. Imagine one has a warrant, or something that comes up on a background check for employment,” a third wrote. “Or can call and access accounts that just need an ID with the name on it and don’t verify SSN or biometrics.”
Other people continued to claim that the couple’s name choice was “manipulative”, while encouraging the original poster to take legal action against her daughter’s father.
“Worse than creepy. Calculated and manipulative. She wants to get rid of OP and choose the nuclear option by attacking her daughter,” one user claimed.
“While no name can be claimed, this is a move full of hate and spite,” another wrote. “I would tell your daughter’s father that you will be going for full custody of your daughter and taking him for child support because you can no longer trust him to do the right thing by your daughter, how can you trust that he wouldn’t allow his gf to treat your daughter poorly based on this behaviour.”
The Independent has contacted u/Aggressive_Buy4075 for comment.